I Don’t Want a New Year!

When your spouse dies, the idea of a new year can be hard. The idea of the next year being your “best year ever” or “a fresh start” or “the happiest yet” is sickening and scary. I did not want 2021 to begin. It would be the first year without him in it. I felt like I was I was leaving him in the past. I was so focused on the fact I was about to enter a year in which he never lived – at least here on earth.

The new year was also a reminder of just how much time had passed since we were last physically together. I was painfully aware that January 2, 2021, would be the 73rd day without him, as I was still counting the days. The new year signified a future I didn’t want to envision… a future without him in it.

Yet, as that first year without him physically present with us rolled into 2022, I realized that I had moved on to counting months. I was making some progress, and I could see some happiness as I spent time with my children and grandchildren. And, with 2023, I have realized that I have moved to counting years (and months). I will always miss him, but I am now focusing on honoring him by carrying his love and joy with me. We never leave them behind. They are always with us!

They still exist – even in this new year – not the way we want, but they are here. Keep moving forward with them. People like to choose a word for their year. My word this year is Honor. I will intentionally honor him with moving forward. I am not moving away from him or leaving him behind. I’m carrying his love with me!See insights and adsBoost post