In the marriage ceremony, we pledge, “I, Susan, take you, Bob, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.” And, the two shall become one.
That’s what it feels like. He was a part of me. He made me a better person. He made me who I am. And, now, I feel like a part of me died with him. I’m having to find who I am without him here on this earth. I say it that way, because I really don’t think I’m truly without him. I still have his love, and I’ll carry it with me until I get to see him again. Yet, it’s so different now. When I am out, especially with other couples, I feel the need to explain where he is. I trust that I will eventually get to where I’m comfortable just being me, but at almost 2 years, that’s not yet. I’m sure it’s the timing with coming up on the heaveniversary, but it’s still such a raw wound.
Still, I say “yet”, because I’m hopeful I’ll get there.